It’s graduation season and across the land schools are saying goodbye to students and students are moving along and into the next phases of their lives.
It’s all very heartwarming and etc. I usually couldn’t wait for them to be over. All that dressing up and ceremony and sitting and waiting in uncomfortable chairs. At least at the dentist you can catch up with celebrity vapidity with People magazine or distract yourself with New Yorker cartoons.
I’ve never been a fan of graduation. It was not a feature of my own time in high school and the sole reason to attend my college graduation was that it was the only way to actually get the diploma. It was entirely unmemorable. By the time the next one came along attendance was optional. I started my summer job on an adventure playground instead.
Of course it is good to see young people – some of whom you’ve watched (and if you are lucky, helped) overcome all kinds of adolescent struggles and obstacles – move on. And it is satisfying to see families come together in love and pride. The ceremony is for them. For you it is an ending not a beginning. You have already celebrated and honored them and said your farewells at all the end of year events – the Athletic Banquet, the Senior Dinner, the all-school farewell, senior presentations, field day, the last Art Show, theatrical performance, concert, film show, game of the season. All those events had meaning bringing something of significance to a close. All the poignant moments, the triumphs and tragedies, the exasperation, the drama, the ups and downs of the roller coaster of school. It’s over. Those kids were yours for a while, a borrowed time. Commencement is for the families. It’s time to let go.
I loved the sudden hush that descends on a school once commencement is over. The building empties out, the chairs are stacked, the flowers carefully put aside to serve again, the buses wheeze down the drive and everyone takes off for the afternoon. In a short two months you will be longing for the buzz of the new school year and the empty building will feel deadly. But for now – a blissful solitude and silence.
It’s not that the year has ended. Tomorrow it will crank into gear again and all those end of year adult things have to happen before the summer begins. And the ever increasing list of “stuff” – deferred to the summer “when we’ll have time to get to it” – kicks into gear.
Fred Calder – the former executive director of NYSAIS – always advised heads to go home after commencement, and take a nap. The work is done. You already celebrated the rite of passage in a dozen different ways. The class is launched and off they go. You did your best. You wish them well. And you mean it when you tell them to keep in touch.
The building is still. Your office silent. You hope the phone does not ring. There was the time the small child missed the bus and was found wandering the empty building. And there was that memorable occasion when a graduate took distant relatives on a tour and a spectacular row broke out. The family wanted to go celebrate together. The graduate had other ideas. All rather painful to overhear. But such disturbances of the peace were rare and even they did not delay the strange experience of driving home in the early afternoon. And yes, taking a nap.
Follow Your Bliss
Graduating seniors were once advice to follow their bliss. Seems like a short-sighted luxury in these more utilitarian days and perhaps it never was good advice, leaning as it did toward the self indulgent. Lucky are those students who have been supported in finding what they love to do and developing the skills to do it. School should be in helping young people identify and building a sense of purpose. After all – if you can connect what you are a passionate about with an important social need you will never be bored, unhappy or unemployed. Working in schools served that purpose for me and I wish that (sense of purpose) for everyone graduating this year.
You’ve heard the expression “Follow your bliss”
I agree with that line but I also add this:
Connect personal bliss with a great social need–
You’ll be happy, fulfilled ... and also get a job.
Thinking about how much I don’t miss graduation brought Emily Dickinson to mind. Emotionally a bit over the top of course – life in school is not a great pain; graduation is not death. But there is an intensity to the last few weeks of school …. And then, it stops. The Hour of Lead, a numbness of feeling, and a letting go.
Until, of course, it all starts up again.
I completely resonate with your thoughts on graduation season. The ceremonies are undoubtedly a celebration of achievements, but there’s also an undercurrent of mixed emotions that only those closely involved with the students can truly understand.
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Great work I love it.
BTW, did you read about the two girls excluded from school graduation for going on a Friday climate protest? I bloody well hope the others decided not to show in solidarity.
So beautifully expressed. Of course in state schools in the UK we never had them – I think they do now and I was delighted to be invited to a swanky graduation ball by my young friend Louise, in loco patris. Doing the grad thing at university – and many didn’t – was to please the parents. Oh, Dickinson! She can be relied upon for so much.
The graduation fetish has now expanded to kindergarten. It’s as if we have made learning into some kind of arduous thing for which we need participation medals and reward incentives for every step of the way. Fortunately I have never been on the receiving end although over the years have attended and presided over far too many of these ceremonies. It’s great for the grandparents! And can be for the participants – when they are actually allowed to have a role in beyond walking and handshaking.
So no school graduations growing up but there was prize-givings and speech days though. But no one of any sense or consequence gave them the slightest respect.
I don’t think I saw that particular one although there’s an endless supply of stories about schools behaving badly. On a counter note though, a local elementary school send out an amazing letter to parents in response to an incident of racism. Sometimes schools do the right thing and in the face of what I can only imagine will be considerable parental push-back.
Very interesting to hear about what it is like from the other side of the fence.
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I, too, was once a school principal. In my early years I thought I liked graduation the celebration and the rah rah! It was, after, all the capstone of achievement. So many kids struggle so hard to make it. They deserve recognition.
But increasingly I saw the whole charade as hollow. Not for those for whom getting to the end of high school was an achievement. No. Not for them. For them it was a marker, a milestone. But what of the others – the ones along the way who did not make it? What of them?
Could I have done something different? How had the system of school failed those girls and boys?
We celebrate success. As we should. But where do we hold ourselves accountable for the children we left behind?
This year I took a nap BEFORE graduation. Slept for about 45 minutes, and then woke remembering two important things we had forgotten to do while setting up. You are right, the best part is when families are enjoying themselves and feel grateful. And when a graduate makes a point of finding you to say goodbye before the family whisks them away…
Ah! Now that is scientific, head-of-school wisdom at work. A ‘before’ and ‘after’ nap make so much sense. And sleep reveals what matters most.
And yes – there are those very special moments. Not predictable, always significant, and probably more memorable to the recipient than to the giver.
I enjoyed this very much.
Thanks John!