As previously reported in Shakespeare has had enough, a random assortment of Shakespeare’s characters – disturbed and distressed by political leadership – got together to prepare for an intervention. I invited them over, which was probably a bit of a mistake as they were all eager to participate and the logistics of social distancing were a bit of a challenge. Fortunately, some declined the invitation and others just didn’t seem to have email.

Something Rotten

Those who did come were all upset about something rotten in the state They were eager to participate and have their hour on the stage and all that. But there were a few problems beyond the logistics. For starters, they were over the place in terms of habits, manners and opinions and it took a good deal of school-marmery from yours truly to get them in order.

Ancient Grudges, New Mutiny

Some took to falling about drunk, cutting down the shrubbery and scaring the cat. And no sooner had the early arrivals gathered when they started to squabble. Ancient grudges threatened to break to new mutiny. Example: This quarrel in the downstair toilet that threatened to become an all-in Four Nations rugby scrum.

Fluellen was washing the grit from his leeks while singing about saucepans when Captain Gower informed him that Captain Jamy had dipped his kilt and washed his underwear in the same water. Fluellen called them both look you scurvy, lousy knaves.

Captain MacMorris was clearly considering the torture potential of the electric toothbrush when, fortunately, John O’Gaunt showed up on his mobility scooter.

The elder statesman explained about the septic system, went on about islands and gardening, and that – for some reason – seemed to settle that particular broil. Maybe it was the toilet plunger he was brandishing like a sceptre.

Eat and Drink as Friends

It helped when one of the Dukes of York fired up the barbecue. The Duke of Clarence rolled a large barrel of rather good wine from the back of his Range Rover and Sir Toby passed around the cakes and ale. The Bishop of Ely was praying over the miracle of the December strawberries and all was going well, at least for the moment.

Various characters chimed in to set a convivial tone.

“Come, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.”

“Good company, good wine, good welcome can make good people”

“I drink to the general joy of the whole table.” That latter caused a bit of an added chill in the air but even Banquo was ready to let bygones be bygones given the importance of the task at hand.

The King Drinks, by the 17th century artist Jacob Jordaens, illustrates a feasting scene from “Twelfth Night.”

Whoreson Caterpillars

There was general agreement that the excesses of leadership needed to be dealt with as an urgent matter. Also that leaders do not exist in a vacuum and that many bore the responsibility for the current parlous state of affairs.

Here then is a selection of what they plan to say directly to the grifters, criminals. political operatives and sycophants who enable the evil one – the dear leader – to flourish.

But that’s not all!

Given the strength of their feelings, I rather dread to think of the insults they will heap upon the dear leader. Not to mention the potential punishments and consequences they will insist upon. The Elizabethan and Jacobean eras were not known for the milk of human kindness when it came to law and order.