As previously reported in Shakespeare has had enough, a random assortment of Shakespeare’s characters – disturbed and distressed by political leadership – got together to prepare for an intervention. I invited them over, which was probably a bit of a mistake as they were all eager to participate and the logistics of social distancing were a bit of a challenge. Fortunately, some declined the invitation and others just didn’t seem to have email.
Those who did come were all upset about something rotten in the state They were eager to participate and have their hour on the stage and all that. But there were a few problems beyond the logistics. For starters, they were over the place in terms of habits, manners and opinions and it took a good deal of school-marmery from yours truly to get them in order.
Some took to falling about drunk, cutting down the shrubbery and scaring the cat. And no sooner had the early arrivals gathered when they started to squabble. Ancient grudges threatened to break to new mutiny. Example: This quarrel in the downstair toilet that threatened to become an all-in Four Nations rugby scrum.
Fluellen was washing the grit from his leeks while singing about saucepans when Captain Gower informed him that Captain Jamy had dipped his kilt and washed his underwear in the same water. Fluellen called them both look you scurvy, lousy knaves.
Captain MacMorris was clearly considering the torture potential of the electric toothbrush when, fortunately, John O’Gaunt showed up on his mobility scooter.
The elder statesman explained about the septic system, went on about islands and gardening, and that – for some reason – seemed to settle that particular broil. Maybe it was the toilet plunger he was brandishing like a sceptre.
It helped when one of the Dukes of York fired up the barbecue. The Duke of Clarence rolled a large barrel of rather good wine from the back of his Range Rover and Sir Toby passed around the cakes and ale. The Bishop of Ely was praying over the miracle of the December strawberries and all was going well, at least for the moment.
Various characters chimed in to set a convivial tone.
“Come, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.”
“Good company, good wine, good welcome can make good people”
“I drink to the general joy of the whole table.” That latter caused a bit of an added chill in the air but even Banquo was ready to let bygones be bygones given the importance of the task at hand.
There was general agreement that the excesses of leadership needed to be dealt with as an urgent matter. Also that leaders do not exist in a vacuum and that many bore the responsibility for the current parlous state of affairs.
Here then is a selection of what they plan to say directly to the grifters, criminals. political operatives and sycophants who enable the evil one – the dear leader – to flourish.
But that’s not all!
Given the strength of their feelings, I rather dread to think of the insults they will heap upon the dear leader. Not to mention the potential punishments and consequences they will insist upon. The Elizabethan and Jacobean eras were not known for the milk of human kindness when it came to law and order.
More on that anon.
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Hilarious. THIS is how Trump and his ilk should have been dealt with!
I had a lot of fun writing that one.
And it reminds you that although we live in a time of scurvy knave poltoon and worse politicians/ leaders - so did Sheakespeare! And the good thing is he put them on display and into action and gave us the words to name and call them out!
"Captain MacMorris was clearly considering the torture potential of the electric toothbrush when, fortunately, John O’Gaunt showed up on his mobility scooter."
This is an entirely new tale on "Henry the Fifth".
Have the Shakespeare scholars been alerted?
Looking forward to more insults ...
Wonderful, Josie. Lucky you to have such entertaining guests. I very much look forward to hearing more of them. They clearly have a great deal of useful comments to make.
My grandchildren have used Shakespeare's insults to great effect in the past. They do leave a mark!
You’ve been having a wild time with this mob Josie. Some great insults here that I will be using at family gatherings. Two favourites, bacon fed knaves and eat my leek.
There's more to come.
Ye could get to the bottom of the quarrel in the downstair toilet by taking a leek in it. My suggestion would at least put a damper on the mutiny.
Just keep in mind: All's well that ends well.
Taking it measure by measure it was all just a comedy of errors. But I fear there may be wurst to come if they start on the grilled sausages.
Are they going to suggest dear leader is drowned in a butt of malmsy?
I do hope not. What a waste of good wine. Anyway - he's too bit too large to be dunked in a barrel.
Could he be added as an ingredient by the weird sisters?
They might want to use the cask for some purpose, but the wine is almost gone so no drowning in that particular malmsy.
I still haven't found out what the 'spotted snakes' are! Flowers, maybe Snakes-head-fritillaries? If Will turns up there (he turned up in Coventry yesterday's to have his coronavirus jab) in the next few days, could you ask him to clarify?
Will do my best to get clarification. But there's no accounting what people who believe in the little folk - the fairy folk - will choose to believe.